| Aries: |  | Just one. You want to make something of it? |
| Taurus: | | One, but just try to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away. |
| Gemini: | | Two, but the job never gets done they just keep discussing who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done! |
| Cancer: | | Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grieving process. |
| Leo: | | Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out. |
| Virgo: | | Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth. |
| Libra: | | Er, two. Or maybe one. No, on second thought, make that two. Is that O.K. with you? |
| Scorpio: | | That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order. |
| Sagittarius: | | The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb? |
| Capricorn: | | I don't waste my time with these childish jokes. |
| Aquarius: | | Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so... |
| Pisces: | | Light bulb? What light bulb? |
